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Jul. 30th, 2015 10:43 amI had a really good conversation about the weekday Shemoneh Esrei this Shabbos with my Rabbi.
[obligatory context: The Shemoneh Esrei, or Amidah, is the central prayer of every Jewish prayer service. It is a rigid, dense, multifaceted prayer that is adapted for each occasion- there is a particular Amidah recited on weekdays, on Shabbat, on holidays, on Rosh Chodesh, on Rosh Hashanah, etc... Each of these prayers has a common (sometimes slightly modified) introductory section, a common (sometimes slightly modified) ending section, and a middle section that varies quite dramatically depending on the context. Particularly relevant to this post, the weekday Shemoneh Esrei's central passage consists of a long stream of supplicating requests that is deemed inappropriate to recite on occasions like Shabbat and holidays that are dedicated to praising God's creation. Only during the mundane week do we make supplications a central part of our conversation with God.]
Here is this section, in Chabad's (IMO mediocre but adequate) translation:
You graciously bestow knowledge upon man and teach mortals understanding. Graciously bestow upon us from You, wisdom, understanding and knowledge. Blessed are You L-rd, who graciously bestows knowledge.
Cause us to return, our Father, to Your Torah; draw us near, our King, to Your service; and bring us back to You in whole-hearted repentance. Blessed are You L-rd, who desires penitence.
Pardon us, our Father, for we have sinned; forgive us, our King, for we have transgressed; for You are a good and forgiving G‑d. Blessed are You L-rd, gracious One who pardons abundantly.
O behold our affliction and wage our battle; redeem us speedily for the sake of Your Name, for You G‑d are the mighty redeemer. Blessed are You L-rd, Redeemer of Israel.
Heal us, O L-rd, and we will be healed; help us and we will be saved; for You are our praise. Grant complete cure and healing to all our wounds; for You, Almighty King, are a faithful and merciful healer. Blessed are You L-rd, who heals the sick of His people Israel.
Bless for us, L-rd our G‑d, this year and all the varieties of its produce for good; and bestow (During the summer season say:) blessing (During the winter season say: dew and rain for blessing) upon the face of the earth. Satisfy us from Your bounty and bless our year like other good years, for blessing; for You are a generous G‑d who bestows goodness and blesses the years. Blessed are You L-rd, who blesses the years.
Sound the great shofar for our freedom; raise a banner to gather our exiles, and bring us together from the four corners of the earth into our land. Blessed are You L-rd, who gathers the dispersed of His people Israel.
Restore our judges as in former times, and our counsellors as of yore; remove from us sorrow and sighing, and reign over us, You alone, O L-rd, with kindness and compassion, with righteousness and justice. Blessed are You L-rd, King who loves righteousness and justice. (During the Ten Days of Penitence substitute with: the King of judgment.)
Let there be no hope for informers, and may all the heretics and all the wicked instantly perish; may all the enemies of Your people be speedily extirpated; and may You swiftly uproot, break, crush and subdue the reign of wickedness speedily in our days. Blessed are You L-rd, who crushes enemies and subdues the wicked.
May Your mercies be aroused, L-rd our G‑d, upon the righteous, upon the pious, upon the elders of Your people, the House of Israel, upon the remnant of their sages, upon the righteous proselytes and upon us. Grant ample reward to all who truly trust in Your Name, and place our lot among them; may we never be disgraced, for we have put our trust in You. Blessed are You L-rd, the support and security of the righteous.
Return in mercy to Jerusalem Your city and dwell therein as You have promised; speedily establish therein the throne of David Your servant, and rebuild it, soon in our days, as an everlasting edifice. Blessed are You L-rd, who rebuilds Jerusalem. Speedily cause the scion of David Your servant to flourish, and increase his power by Your salvation, for we hope for Your salvation all day. Blessed are You L-rd, who causes the power of salvation to flourish.
Hear our voice, L-rd our G‑d; merciful Father, have compassion upon us and accept our prayers in mercy and favor, for You are G‑d who hears prayers and supplications; do not turn us away empty-handed from You, our King, for You hear the prayer of everyone. Blessed are You L-rd, who hears prayer.]
This is the central component of a prayer I've recited... well, not necessarily every day, but certainly multiple times a week, for more than fifteen years. This is a prayer I can recite from memory.
In any case, I initiated the conversation by summarizing this Facebook post by David Zvi Kalman, which summarizes the conversation on a previous Facebook post where Kalman solicited personal perspectives on what's in peoples' heads during the Amidah.
Kalman draws the conclusion that a lot of people feel like in some way or another they don't give proper attention to this part of the prayer, and he extracts several main reasons, some of which are competing with each other in some way. One reason people 'zone out' or don't adequately focus on the central parts of the Amidah is because they don't find the supplications relevant to their wants. On the other hand, another reason is because they (we/I) are hyperfocused on one particular part of a supplication that has meaning for them to the exclusion of other parts.
Kalman in speaking about 'good days' is taking as assumed that the reason for zone-outs is not normal justified distractedness, that everyone is going to have days when they just can't focus on their prayers for biological or emotional or other personal reasons, but that we often feel like we fall short of where we want to be in terms of kavanah even when we don't have those reasons.
The thing to realize is that Kalman, and the people he's summarizing, are not talking about zoning out because the prayer is not meaningful to us. They're not talking about prayer as rote. They're talking about zoning out because the prayer is too meaningful, too dense with memory and emotion and spiritual meaning, for us to approach it with the appropriate discipline.
This is the prayer I recited after I heard about 9/11. This is the prayer I recited after my grandmother died. This is the prayer I recited when I got into college. This is the prayer I recited when my mother was in the hospital. This is the prayer I recited when the Yankees won the World Series. It's the prayer I recited when the Yankees lost the world series. This prayer is such a deep part of who I am, and it's so embedded in how I approach the world, that the very act of reciting it is distracting.
So after I summarized all of this, and told my Rabbi that a lot of it resonated with my davening experience, I said that I feel like a lot of the time, we don't feel like we have permission to discuss tactics for improving our prayer technique because we only talk about the 'right way' to daven, not how to get there. He disagreed, but in any case, he mentioned some techniques he used, some of which I liked and some of which I'm still trying to make sense of.
In general, he said that he finds that making a conscious effort to... vocalize was, I think, his exact word, but I think the sense he was conveying was to enunciate rather than merely vocalize, each individual word of the prayers helps him maintain his sense of the meaning of the prayer and his relationship to it. He tries to give every single word his full attention as he's saying it, and he admitted he doesn't always succeed, but this is his basic strategy for maintaining proper focus on the prayer he's saying as he's saying.
I objected that given how quickly one moves from one theme to another in this central section of the weekday Amidah, actively focusing on each word is problematic because it means you're constantly jumping from theme to theme rather than maintaining a specific thought. In response to this, he suggested pausing before each paragraph and kind of gathering together your wits and saying "Okay, now I'm about to pray for healing" or "Okay, now I'm about to pray for the restoration of the Davidic monarchy." This struck me as a useful idea, though still somewhat at odds with the ambition of focusing on every word and phrase of the prayer, because now you're also carrying in your head the overall theme of the paragraph while reciting the specific words of the prayer, as well as the things.
And then I asked what his approach would be when you hit themes that either in general or specifically at the moment you didn't really want to pray for. The threads I link to have various examples of this, and it definitely is something where I've had different problems with various parts of the tefillah at different moments, but usually my issue as a believing Orthodox Jew who's also to some degree a pluralist is with the paragraph called V'lamalshinim, the one that the Chabad translation above begins "Let there be no hope for informers," and which is pretty clearly in the Hebrew a polemic against non-Jews and Jews who have abandoned Orthodoxy.
I get to this paragraph when I recite this prayer and I always kind of go "But I don't really mean it" in my head as I'm reciting it, and it's a definitely flaw in my commitment to the Amidah.
My Rabbi gave me this kind of amazingly SFnal approach that I'm going to have to ponder more. He said "Look, there's evil in the world, right? There are enemies of the Jewish people and people who have no morality, people who are really threats. And God stands in opposition to them. There is darkness in the world. And when I get to V'lamalshinim, I imagine that darkness as a literal darkness, and then I imagine the light of God emerging and sweeping away the darkness. And I hold that image in my head as I recite V'lamalshinim."
The interesting thing was that when I thought about it that way the next time I said the Amidah, I couldn't really take his SFnal vision of God seriously, but the underlying metaphor it's communicating for me actually led me to a new insight about the overall shape of the Amidah. Explaining which requires more context on what the Amidah is.
Ritualized prayer in Judaism, as I understand the history, may predate the destruction of the Second Temple slightly, but not by much, and the codified forms we recite today are very heavily informed by the destruction- the prayer services are designed to take the place of the daily and holiday sacrifices offered in the Temple, and make both explicit and allusive reference to them.
And it's reasonably obvious that there is a linear progression in these central supplications toward requesting that a Third Temple be built and the era of Messiah ushered in. But thinking about V'lamalshinim in terms of this overall progression was never straightforward for me since I had such deep objection to its sentiments. Thinking about it in terms of eradication of evil by God's truth made it easier for me to see its place in the Geulah.
I don't know... this all still feels scattered, but I think the conversations have been useful, and I'll keep chewing on this stuff.
[obligatory context: The Shemoneh Esrei, or Amidah, is the central prayer of every Jewish prayer service. It is a rigid, dense, multifaceted prayer that is adapted for each occasion- there is a particular Amidah recited on weekdays, on Shabbat, on holidays, on Rosh Chodesh, on Rosh Hashanah, etc... Each of these prayers has a common (sometimes slightly modified) introductory section, a common (sometimes slightly modified) ending section, and a middle section that varies quite dramatically depending on the context. Particularly relevant to this post, the weekday Shemoneh Esrei's central passage consists of a long stream of supplicating requests that is deemed inappropriate to recite on occasions like Shabbat and holidays that are dedicated to praising God's creation. Only during the mundane week do we make supplications a central part of our conversation with God.]
Here is this section, in Chabad's (IMO mediocre but adequate) translation:
You graciously bestow knowledge upon man and teach mortals understanding. Graciously bestow upon us from You, wisdom, understanding and knowledge. Blessed are You L-rd, who graciously bestows knowledge.
Cause us to return, our Father, to Your Torah; draw us near, our King, to Your service; and bring us back to You in whole-hearted repentance. Blessed are You L-rd, who desires penitence.
Pardon us, our Father, for we have sinned; forgive us, our King, for we have transgressed; for You are a good and forgiving G‑d. Blessed are You L-rd, gracious One who pardons abundantly.
O behold our affliction and wage our battle; redeem us speedily for the sake of Your Name, for You G‑d are the mighty redeemer. Blessed are You L-rd, Redeemer of Israel.
Heal us, O L-rd, and we will be healed; help us and we will be saved; for You are our praise. Grant complete cure and healing to all our wounds; for You, Almighty King, are a faithful and merciful healer. Blessed are You L-rd, who heals the sick of His people Israel.
Bless for us, L-rd our G‑d, this year and all the varieties of its produce for good; and bestow (During the summer season say:) blessing (During the winter season say: dew and rain for blessing) upon the face of the earth. Satisfy us from Your bounty and bless our year like other good years, for blessing; for You are a generous G‑d who bestows goodness and blesses the years. Blessed are You L-rd, who blesses the years.
Sound the great shofar for our freedom; raise a banner to gather our exiles, and bring us together from the four corners of the earth into our land. Blessed are You L-rd, who gathers the dispersed of His people Israel.
Restore our judges as in former times, and our counsellors as of yore; remove from us sorrow and sighing, and reign over us, You alone, O L-rd, with kindness and compassion, with righteousness and justice. Blessed are You L-rd, King who loves righteousness and justice. (During the Ten Days of Penitence substitute with: the King of judgment.)
Let there be no hope for informers, and may all the heretics and all the wicked instantly perish; may all the enemies of Your people be speedily extirpated; and may You swiftly uproot, break, crush and subdue the reign of wickedness speedily in our days. Blessed are You L-rd, who crushes enemies and subdues the wicked.
May Your mercies be aroused, L-rd our G‑d, upon the righteous, upon the pious, upon the elders of Your people, the House of Israel, upon the remnant of their sages, upon the righteous proselytes and upon us. Grant ample reward to all who truly trust in Your Name, and place our lot among them; may we never be disgraced, for we have put our trust in You. Blessed are You L-rd, the support and security of the righteous.
Return in mercy to Jerusalem Your city and dwell therein as You have promised; speedily establish therein the throne of David Your servant, and rebuild it, soon in our days, as an everlasting edifice. Blessed are You L-rd, who rebuilds Jerusalem. Speedily cause the scion of David Your servant to flourish, and increase his power by Your salvation, for we hope for Your salvation all day. Blessed are You L-rd, who causes the power of salvation to flourish.
Hear our voice, L-rd our G‑d; merciful Father, have compassion upon us and accept our prayers in mercy and favor, for You are G‑d who hears prayers and supplications; do not turn us away empty-handed from You, our King, for You hear the prayer of everyone. Blessed are You L-rd, who hears prayer.]
This is the central component of a prayer I've recited... well, not necessarily every day, but certainly multiple times a week, for more than fifteen years. This is a prayer I can recite from memory.
In any case, I initiated the conversation by summarizing this Facebook post by David Zvi Kalman, which summarizes the conversation on a previous Facebook post where Kalman solicited personal perspectives on what's in peoples' heads during the Amidah.
Kalman draws the conclusion that a lot of people feel like in some way or another they don't give proper attention to this part of the prayer, and he extracts several main reasons, some of which are competing with each other in some way. One reason people 'zone out' or don't adequately focus on the central parts of the Amidah is because they don't find the supplications relevant to their wants. On the other hand, another reason is because they (we/I) are hyperfocused on one particular part of a supplication that has meaning for them to the exclusion of other parts.
Kalman in speaking about 'good days' is taking as assumed that the reason for zone-outs is not normal justified distractedness, that everyone is going to have days when they just can't focus on their prayers for biological or emotional or other personal reasons, but that we often feel like we fall short of where we want to be in terms of kavanah even when we don't have those reasons.
The thing to realize is that Kalman, and the people he's summarizing, are not talking about zoning out because the prayer is not meaningful to us. They're not talking about prayer as rote. They're talking about zoning out because the prayer is too meaningful, too dense with memory and emotion and spiritual meaning, for us to approach it with the appropriate discipline.
This is the prayer I recited after I heard about 9/11. This is the prayer I recited after my grandmother died. This is the prayer I recited when I got into college. This is the prayer I recited when my mother was in the hospital. This is the prayer I recited when the Yankees won the World Series. It's the prayer I recited when the Yankees lost the world series. This prayer is such a deep part of who I am, and it's so embedded in how I approach the world, that the very act of reciting it is distracting.
So after I summarized all of this, and told my Rabbi that a lot of it resonated with my davening experience, I said that I feel like a lot of the time, we don't feel like we have permission to discuss tactics for improving our prayer technique because we only talk about the 'right way' to daven, not how to get there. He disagreed, but in any case, he mentioned some techniques he used, some of which I liked and some of which I'm still trying to make sense of.
In general, he said that he finds that making a conscious effort to... vocalize was, I think, his exact word, but I think the sense he was conveying was to enunciate rather than merely vocalize, each individual word of the prayers helps him maintain his sense of the meaning of the prayer and his relationship to it. He tries to give every single word his full attention as he's saying it, and he admitted he doesn't always succeed, but this is his basic strategy for maintaining proper focus on the prayer he's saying as he's saying.
I objected that given how quickly one moves from one theme to another in this central section of the weekday Amidah, actively focusing on each word is problematic because it means you're constantly jumping from theme to theme rather than maintaining a specific thought. In response to this, he suggested pausing before each paragraph and kind of gathering together your wits and saying "Okay, now I'm about to pray for healing" or "Okay, now I'm about to pray for the restoration of the Davidic monarchy." This struck me as a useful idea, though still somewhat at odds with the ambition of focusing on every word and phrase of the prayer, because now you're also carrying in your head the overall theme of the paragraph while reciting the specific words of the prayer, as well as the things.
And then I asked what his approach would be when you hit themes that either in general or specifically at the moment you didn't really want to pray for. The threads I link to have various examples of this, and it definitely is something where I've had different problems with various parts of the tefillah at different moments, but usually my issue as a believing Orthodox Jew who's also to some degree a pluralist is with the paragraph called V'lamalshinim, the one that the Chabad translation above begins "Let there be no hope for informers," and which is pretty clearly in the Hebrew a polemic against non-Jews and Jews who have abandoned Orthodoxy.
I get to this paragraph when I recite this prayer and I always kind of go "But I don't really mean it" in my head as I'm reciting it, and it's a definitely flaw in my commitment to the Amidah.
My Rabbi gave me this kind of amazingly SFnal approach that I'm going to have to ponder more. He said "Look, there's evil in the world, right? There are enemies of the Jewish people and people who have no morality, people who are really threats. And God stands in opposition to them. There is darkness in the world. And when I get to V'lamalshinim, I imagine that darkness as a literal darkness, and then I imagine the light of God emerging and sweeping away the darkness. And I hold that image in my head as I recite V'lamalshinim."
The interesting thing was that when I thought about it that way the next time I said the Amidah, I couldn't really take his SFnal vision of God seriously, but the underlying metaphor it's communicating for me actually led me to a new insight about the overall shape of the Amidah. Explaining which requires more context on what the Amidah is.
Ritualized prayer in Judaism, as I understand the history, may predate the destruction of the Second Temple slightly, but not by much, and the codified forms we recite today are very heavily informed by the destruction- the prayer services are designed to take the place of the daily and holiday sacrifices offered in the Temple, and make both explicit and allusive reference to them.
And it's reasonably obvious that there is a linear progression in these central supplications toward requesting that a Third Temple be built and the era of Messiah ushered in. But thinking about V'lamalshinim in terms of this overall progression was never straightforward for me since I had such deep objection to its sentiments. Thinking about it in terms of eradication of evil by God's truth made it easier for me to see its place in the Geulah.
I don't know... this all still feels scattered, but I think the conversations have been useful, and I'll keep chewing on this stuff.