Seeking Ferret

Posted by Ask a Manager

http://www.askamanager.org/2017/10/i-do-regular-happy-hours-with-only-one-of-my-staff-members-asking-a-new-hire-to-go-by-her-last-name-and-more.html

http://www.askamanager.org/?p=14041

It’s five answers to five questions. Here we go…

1. I have regular happy hours with only one of my staff members

I manage a specialty niche team of four within a larger department that otherwise doesn’t have specific teams. My direct reports are the only ones in the department who only report to one manager (me). Last year, I hired someone I knew from a previous job, let’s call her Mary, where we were at the same level, but now she reports to me. I am a happy hour aficionado, and regularly host happy hours for my staff where they are all invited (with no pressure to attend) and I pay for everything, maybe once or twice a month. These happy hours are billed as “unnecessary calorie hour,” because the goal is to focus on spending time outside work together in a less formal environment, not drinking alcohol. I do drink at these events, and historically, people who don’t drink have most often chosen not to come, whether they don’t drink for religious reasons or because they have a long drive home.

Increasingly, these invitations are only accepted by Mary, so we end up spending significantly more time together outside work than I spend with the others on my team. This isn’t a problem for me and I enjoy these outings, but I worry that the perception among the others on the team is that Mary gets special one-on-one time with me because she is my “drinking buddy.” I would be thrilled if others would attend and interact with me on a more personal level more regularly, but I also respect their off-work time and would never pressure them to hang out when they’d rather be doing something else. Mary definitely gets more of my attention because she chooses to join me at happy hour, and while it isn’t directly due to our prior relationship, I fear that it’s being perceived that way. But I want to keep doing happy hour because I really enjoy it! Since this is becoming less of a group-accepted kind of event, should I just stop doing it?

Yes, you should stop doing it. Regardless of your intent, the effect is that you’re having regular one-on-one social hang-outs with one of your employees, which can cause all sorts of problems with real or perceived favoritism. I get that it’s fun and so you’d rather keep doing it, but your responsibilities as a manager trump that.

If you want to keep having happy hours with colleagues, focus on organizing them with people who don’t work for you.

2. Asking a new hire to go by her last name

My name is … let’s say Arya. And I recently hired someone who is also named Arya. During the interview process, we discussed the awkwardness and potential risk-management-related issues with us being mixed up due to the nature of our positions and the fact that she is reporting to me.

She agreed it would be very confusing, and said she’d be happy to go by her last name, Stark. I have been introducing her as Stark to everyone, but noticed she has been introducing herself to people as Arya. I don’t want to be a jerk, but she had agreed during the interview process to go by Stark, and I feel pretty embarrassed at how this makes me look to the other folks who report to me, as if I forced her to go by another name, when really it was mutually agreed upon … or so I thought.

We have other folks in our organization who go by their last names and it has never been an issue before, so there is a precedent for this. How do I broach this with her without being a jerk? I can’t imagine what a nightmare it will be to have two Arya’s reporting to each other in our line of work.

Is it really going to be such a nightmare? It’s very, very common for offices to have two people with the same first name working closely together. Usually people solve it by using last initials and referring to Arya S. and Arya W. or something similar to that.

If she doesn’t want to go by her last name (and I realize she said she’d be okay with it, but it sounds like she might not really want to), you shouldn’t force her to do it; it’s not fair for her not to be able to use her name just because you were there first.

I’d talk to her and say something like this: “Hey, I know we’d talked earlier about you going by Stark to avoid confusion. I’ve noticed you’re using Arya — do you prefer that? If so, let’s start using Arya S. and Arya W. so that it’s clear who’s who.” And then if you’re talking to someone who doesn’t know the importance of including the initial, say something like, “When you follow up, make sure to ask for Arya Williams since there are two Arya’s here.”

3. Urging my severely diabetic coworker to get treatment

This morning a coworker informed us she would no longer be buying candy for the department because her tests came back that she has diabetes. I gently inquired if she received her A1C, not intending to inquire the actual number, and it came to light that the A1C converted to an average of 450 mmg/doL blood glucose. Using the American Diabetes Professional conversion calculator, that’s an A1C of 17.3. A diabetes diagnosis is made when a person has two A1Cs of 6.5 or greater in a row.

She says she’s going to try to control it with a ketogenic diet (which she admits will be challenging) and I asked if she was working with a dietitian and she said no. I asked if “they” (meaning her doctors), put her on insulin and she admitted she didn’t see a doctor. She ordered the blood tests herself and has self-diagnosed diabetes.

Not realizing how seriously her glucose was out of control, I simply encouraged her to test her blood sugar so she would know where she was and how her body handled her diet. (I am also aware of the risk of ketoacidosis.) She lamented the cost of test strips and when I mentioned that if she got a prescription for the strips, insurance would cover it. Then it came out that she hasn’t seen a doctor since the early 2000s and seems to have some baggage about seeing one.

After mentioning her glucose reading to a MD friend, he said he’d hospitalize her with insulin treatment if she were his patient, and said that a diabetic coma can occur at 500 mmg/doL. So apparently her diabetes is really severe and I’m concerned that she doesn’t realize how bad her health has gotten. I want to encourage her to see a doctor for treatment, but I feel out of place. You and your readers are awesome about phrasing things and I hope you can come through for me on this. We have a good rapport, but we don’t have a lot in common over which we’ve bonded. I’d like to handle this with kid gloves so she doesn’t shut down the topic altogether.

“I don’t want to pry into your medical situation, so I won’t bring this up again — but I know a bit about diabetes and the blood sugar level you mentioned is considered extremely serious. I believe a doctor would tell you that you’re in serious and possibly immediate danger if you don’t get medical treatment right away. Again, I don’t want to butt in and I won’t continue to raise this, but I’m worried about you and want to make sure you know that the numbers you saw are a really big deal and you might not have a lot of time to wait to see a doctor.”

At that point, you’ll have given her the information she needs, and it’ll be up to her what she does with it — so do stick to not asking about it again after that unless she brings it up.

4. How to show that volunteer work led to paid work

Would it be strange state on a resume that you were a volunteer for an organization, which then turned into an expanded and compensated role doing similar work on a larger scale? The new job was essentially created for me and not advertised, and I feel like this shows a certain degree of accomplishment on my part, especially as someone without a huge history of being promoted at work. I feel like it wouldn’t have the same impact with “Statewide Teapot Outreach Coordinator” in my employment section and “City of Teaville Outreach Coordinator” in my volunteer section.

Thoughts on how to do this effectively and appropriately?

Not strange. List the statewide coordinator position in your employment section, and have one of your bullet points under it read something like “began as volunteer focusing of city of Teaville (2012-2013); staff position was created for me in response to that work.” (You’re including the dates for the volunteer work to make it clear that the dates you’re listing for the job don’t include the volunteer period.)

5. Is it worth continuing this conversation with a recruiter?

I had a recruiter reach out to me about a position that he felt I was the “perfect” fit. I politely responded, as I always do, that I am open to discuss new opportunities, but that my family and I are not interested in relocation at this time. Usually this is the end of the conversation and we wish each other well.

This recruiter has requested that we chat anyway. Should I expect him to try and sell the company and location – or – should I get my hopes up that the company will entertain the idea of remote work?

I don’t want to waste his time — we truly are not interested in leaving the area. Should I agree to discuss with him?

I wouldn’t worry about wasting his time — you’ve been up-front with him that you’re not going to relocate, and you’re not responsible for any belief he might have that he can change your mind. I’d be more worried about wasting your own time. But if you’re not too concerned about that, you could say this: “If doing the job remotely is possible or if you have other jobs in this area, I’d love to talk.”

Some recruiters are really terrible about ignoring what people tell them and trying to convince them to do something different, and it’s possible that’s what’s happening here. Or it’s possible that the employer is open to remote work, or that he just wants to get to know you in case he has something else come up that you could be the right fit for; a lot of recruiters are constantly trying to build their network of people they know because the person could be right for something down the road. (And of course, if you get on the phone and it’s clear he’s ignoring you about the location, you can always end the call.)

I do regular happy hours with only one of my staff members, asking a new hire to go by her last name, and more was originally published by Alison Green on Ask a Manager.

http://www.askamanager.org/2017/10/i-do-regular-happy-hours-with-only-one-of-my-staff-members-asking-a-new-hire-to-go-by-her-last-name-and-more.html

http://www.askamanager.org/?p=14041