(no subject)
Dec. 3rd, 2013 12:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seekingferretThis morning I got a flat on the way to work. We found a little shard of metal in the tire when we pulled it off. So that was fun. The annoying part was that I had another tire with some shallow slashes on the sidewall and I had been planning to take it in to be checked out when I had the time, but was driving on it for the moment since it was working. And of course that was not the tire that died, so I ended up replacing two tires. And getting the oil changed, while I was at it.
I think my father, who is more superstitious/more open to seeing God's hand, would say that the flat tire, in a safe circumstance where it could easily be replaced, was perhaps Hashem's way of pushing me to take care of the other maintenance, which might otherwise have led to me having a dangerous blowout or other much less manageable car situation. And I suspect he would claim that the timing of this seeming misfortune was connected to my making a point to light the chanukiah last night despite coming in very late, and staying awake watching until the candles had all burned out.
I'm not so willing to envision God's hand like that. Not because I don't believe it is present, but because I don't believe I am smart enough, wise enough, perceptive enough to see it that clearly in a chain of events. In place of my father's neat sequence of events, I have to substitute sheer betach- trust that God's hand is looking out for me, even when it seems like I've been given a setback, and even when I can't easily point to a mechanical act of devotion I performed to deserve it. It is a lonelier kind of faith, my way, though I don't know if it is necessarily a more difficult kind of faith.
Faith, in general, I think, is more difficult than non-believers give it credit for being. Faith isn't just a matter of believing something you can't prove, something you can't see. Faith is believing something even when you face something that tests your faith. That is deeper than mere delusion, I believe. I think my father's kind of faith is just as difficult to summon, even if it rewards you with a neatness and a sense that there is a discernible order amid the chaos.
But I am stuck with my own path through the wilderness, and even though I suggested that my faith is perhaps lonelier than my father's, less littered with evidence of God's presence in my life, I do have signposts of my ineffable (I-Thou) communion with Hashem. And above all of them is the Torah, which suffuses my life with its living light.
Happy Chanukah to everyone!
I think my father, who is more superstitious/more open to seeing God's hand, would say that the flat tire, in a safe circumstance where it could easily be replaced, was perhaps Hashem's way of pushing me to take care of the other maintenance, which might otherwise have led to me having a dangerous blowout or other much less manageable car situation. And I suspect he would claim that the timing of this seeming misfortune was connected to my making a point to light the chanukiah last night despite coming in very late, and staying awake watching until the candles had all burned out.
I'm not so willing to envision God's hand like that. Not because I don't believe it is present, but because I don't believe I am smart enough, wise enough, perceptive enough to see it that clearly in a chain of events. In place of my father's neat sequence of events, I have to substitute sheer betach- trust that God's hand is looking out for me, even when it seems like I've been given a setback, and even when I can't easily point to a mechanical act of devotion I performed to deserve it. It is a lonelier kind of faith, my way, though I don't know if it is necessarily a more difficult kind of faith.
Faith, in general, I think, is more difficult than non-believers give it credit for being. Faith isn't just a matter of believing something you can't prove, something you can't see. Faith is believing something even when you face something that tests your faith. That is deeper than mere delusion, I believe. I think my father's kind of faith is just as difficult to summon, even if it rewards you with a neatness and a sense that there is a discernible order amid the chaos.
But I am stuck with my own path through the wilderness, and even though I suggested that my faith is perhaps lonelier than my father's, less littered with evidence of God's presence in my life, I do have signposts of my ineffable (I-Thou) communion with Hashem. And above all of them is the Torah, which suffuses my life with its living light.
Happy Chanukah to everyone!
(no subject)
Date: 2013-12-03 07:06 pm (UTC)I've been thinking about this kind of thing a lot lately. And I have many problems with the idea of God's hand being so very neat, full of simple causal relationships, and of the idea that God arranges all events for everyone personally for the optimal outcome (whatever that may mean). That is very comforting for many people; it is not comforting to me (unless I think of it as some sort of massive four-dimensional pattern, which I sometimes can). But at the same time I see God's hand in my life, sometimes through just small seemingly-silly things, sometimes through other people, sometimes through the meaning that I and other people make of things, and I do think that it is there.
Sometimes I feel that communion. It is very, very rare. But sometimes I have felt it.
What do you believe about prayer? There's a simplistic view of prayer that I see a lot at church, that we pray for things and then God answers us, often yes (but, to make it less simplistic, sometimes no, or sometimes "not now"). I don't know how I feel about that, although having a child has helped me understand why this might be a thing. I do feel very strongly, even if it contradicts what I said about God's hand, that we can pray for other people and that it helps them, that God hears those prayers and will act in response to them, sometimes in immediate, comforting ways.
...I realize this comment contradicts itself in places. That, too, I think, can be the nature of faith. Which I think is okay overall, actually, although sometimes it annoys me.
(Happy Chanukah!)
(no subject)
Date: 2013-12-03 07:44 pm (UTC)I have a lot of different conceptual models of prayer that I juggle in my head. Sometimes I think of it as a thing I do selfishly for self-improvement, saying things to myself that I need to say to myself, to remind me of who I am and what my place is in the world. Sometimes I think of it as a formula I recite without comprehension, because wiser people centuries ago recommended it. Mostly, though, I conceptualize my prayers as an on-going conversation I am having with God. Or rather, I think, I conceptualize myself as being in a continuous on-going conversation with God, and prayer represents the times that I am actually paying attention to the conversation. Even though my voice is the only voice I can literally hear, I very much feel that prayer is a dialogue.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-12-03 07:40 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-12-03 08:27 pm (UTC)Depending on your tires' mileage/age, it's sometimes best to replace all four at the same time. I ended up doing that after shredding one on the way to work a few years back.
When I was a kid if I did something bad (like say a curse), and then something bad happened to me (like stubbing my toe), my mother would say "God punishes." It always struck me as silly that he'd bother to punish such a little thing.
Happy Chanukah to everyone!
Who decides the "official" transliteration anyway? Growing up I saw it spelled "Chanukah" everywhere, but now I see "Hanukkah" more often.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-12-03 09:22 pm (UTC)There are 'official' academic transliteration schemes in some sense, kind of like how Pinyin is an 'official' transliteration/romanization scheme for Chinese. Then there are universal transliteration schemes, like IPA. But the honest answer is that nobody decides on the transliteration that people use- people write it however they think it sounds. A lot of English speakers have trouble with the sound of the letter chet, since English does not really have an equivalent, so Hanukkah better represents how a lot of Americans actually pronounce it. But I pronounce it with the chet, so I spell it with the ch.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-02-02 12:43 pm (UTC)I love the description of prayer as the times you are paying attention to your ongoing conversation with God. Totally co-opting that one.
I guess the other piece I'm bringing to this is a more humanistic one. There is power in stating your desires and intentions, because it focuses your sense of purpose. There is something that connects us all that allows us to bless each other through prayer, even when a deity is not invoked. Part of the power of prayer is the power of us. I believe that power is given to us by God, but even if I stopped believing in God, I think I'd still believe there was something to this whole prayer thing.
(no subject)
Date: 2014-02-02 03:57 pm (UTC)Your Jesus Kid parking story reminds me of a hilarious sign I saw at a church in Somerville, MA's parking lot: It said "Permit parking only. Sinners will be towed." I really love the idea of a permit that says you're going to heaven, and as a bonus you get free parking. Yeah, I mean, I dunno, religions believe silly and harmful things, and I don't think they should get off the hook for it, but on the other hand, I have this half-written post I'll probably never finish titled "Ridiculous Religious Beliefs I Believe With All My Heart" that proves that I should not be the one throwing stones in this particular glass house.
And in general, I'm glad that there were things in this post you found valuable.