(no subject)
Jun. 8th, 2013 11:28 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seekingferretI wrote about my grandmother passing away two and a half years ago.
Per Jewish tradition, we buried her the next morning. This angered some of the less religious members of my family. My cousin, her grandson, was in Israel at the time and though he tried to make it back, he couldn't quite swing it in time for the funeral. Some of her nephews were out on the West Coast and had similar difficulties. In addition, the Tuesday we held the funeral an ice storm hit Long Island, making the trek out to the cemetery somewhat treacherous and the actual funeral something of a slippery farce. Some of the frailer relatives didn't make it out to the actual burial site because they couldn't handle walking through the mud. If we'd waited a couple of days, some of my father's cousins argued, the funeral could have been better attended and less logistically annoying.
My father held firm, though, both for religious reasons and because he knew that if he delayed it a couple of days, if he entertained for one moment the possibility that scheduling the funeral was flexible, it would be a Pandora's Box of negotiations with everyone in the family politicking for the day that was most convenient for them. Nobody would be happy, and my father decided to bite the bullet, blame it on the religious reasons, say our Rabbi told us it had to be done that Tuesday, and just shut down the argument.
It shut down the argument, but it didn't shut down the ill feelings, so my father and his brother have been very careful to make sure that the tombstone unveiling would be scheduled so that everyone with ill feelings about missing the funeral would be able to attend. Consequently the unveiling, which is traditionally done between six and twelve months after the funeral, is this Sunday. Vindicating my father's initial decision not to allow argument about the funeral scheduling, for whatever that's worth.
My family is crazy. This unveiling would be emotionally complicated enough without all the family drama surrounding it. Wish me luck holding up to it all.
Per Jewish tradition, we buried her the next morning. This angered some of the less religious members of my family. My cousin, her grandson, was in Israel at the time and though he tried to make it back, he couldn't quite swing it in time for the funeral. Some of her nephews were out on the West Coast and had similar difficulties. In addition, the Tuesday we held the funeral an ice storm hit Long Island, making the trek out to the cemetery somewhat treacherous and the actual funeral something of a slippery farce. Some of the frailer relatives didn't make it out to the actual burial site because they couldn't handle walking through the mud. If we'd waited a couple of days, some of my father's cousins argued, the funeral could have been better attended and less logistically annoying.
My father held firm, though, both for religious reasons and because he knew that if he delayed it a couple of days, if he entertained for one moment the possibility that scheduling the funeral was flexible, it would be a Pandora's Box of negotiations with everyone in the family politicking for the day that was most convenient for them. Nobody would be happy, and my father decided to bite the bullet, blame it on the religious reasons, say our Rabbi told us it had to be done that Tuesday, and just shut down the argument.
It shut down the argument, but it didn't shut down the ill feelings, so my father and his brother have been very careful to make sure that the tombstone unveiling would be scheduled so that everyone with ill feelings about missing the funeral would be able to attend. Consequently the unveiling, which is traditionally done between six and twelve months after the funeral, is this Sunday. Vindicating my father's initial decision not to allow argument about the funeral scheduling, for whatever that's worth.
My family is crazy. This unveiling would be emotionally complicated enough without all the family drama surrounding it. Wish me luck holding up to it all.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-09 04:09 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-09 06:12 am (UTC)I hope there's no drama at the unveiling, and that if drama does have to happen after, that your father is able to deal with it while you are able to avoid it.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-09 10:19 am (UTC)Wishing you strength. May your grandmother's memory be a blessing.
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-09 04:12 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-09 04:15 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-09 10:54 pm (UTC)mkehrt
(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-10 12:38 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-10 12:40 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-10 12:40 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-10 12:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-10 12:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2013-06-10 12:41 am (UTC)