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Jun. 8th, 2022 11:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
seekingferretTikkun Leil went mostly pretty well, with a few little annoyances. And I didn't make it through the whole night, I threw in the towel around 4:30 AM, realizing I wasn't going to be functional for davening. But pretty well, all things told.
The biggest annoyance was, predictably, the fact that I was basically the only person in either of the beis medrashes I went to wearing a mask. Nobody gave me shit about it, in fact it seemed to make people uncomfortable. Several people, like, congratulated me for wearing a mask? They literally congratulated me for being smarter or more cautious than they were being? But nobody else was wearing a mask. Even though we're still in a pandemic and we were gathering to spend hours together in a room, including visitors from out of town? I didn't want the congratulations, I wanted them to see me in a mask and say "Oh, hey, maybe I should do that." Especially the guy who spent the whole 3AM shiur clearing his throat or coughing or something. I'm sure it's allergies or some other medical condition, I'm sure it's not covid, but still, I wished I had the guts to go up to the guy and say "Hey, if you're going to be coughing, could you please at minimum wear a mask? Be mindful that we're still in a pandemic?"
But, you know, I'm vaccinated and boosted and masked and not in any at risk category, so at this point in the pandemic COVID is an annoyance I am trying to avoid because it'd be a pain in the neck to miss the work time and you never know what might happen, not because I'm seriously worried about my health, so I did not choose to go home in spite of that. And one thing I will admit: It was hard to wear a mask for almost five hours like that. It's a big ask of people, I know that. I'm fairly confident it had something to do with my not making it through shacharis. So there really is a tradeoff people have to weigh, and even though it's frustrating I get why a bunch of people balanced it differently than I did.
Anyway! I got my 4 AM giddy gut yom tov in the street! I got some satisfying time to study texts on my own, did some paired learning, and attended some fascinating and inspiring shiurim, the best of which was about the power of music in spirituality and connection to God. I got some homemade cheesecake from a friend! It was a good, meaningful time that helped me feel connected to God and my community, in spite of the pandemic, and the pandemic has certainly taught me to accept that as the best we're going to get right now.
The biggest annoyance was, predictably, the fact that I was basically the only person in either of the beis medrashes I went to wearing a mask. Nobody gave me shit about it, in fact it seemed to make people uncomfortable. Several people, like, congratulated me for wearing a mask? They literally congratulated me for being smarter or more cautious than they were being? But nobody else was wearing a mask. Even though we're still in a pandemic and we were gathering to spend hours together in a room, including visitors from out of town? I didn't want the congratulations, I wanted them to see me in a mask and say "Oh, hey, maybe I should do that." Especially the guy who spent the whole 3AM shiur clearing his throat or coughing or something. I'm sure it's allergies or some other medical condition, I'm sure it's not covid, but still, I wished I had the guts to go up to the guy and say "Hey, if you're going to be coughing, could you please at minimum wear a mask? Be mindful that we're still in a pandemic?"
But, you know, I'm vaccinated and boosted and masked and not in any at risk category, so at this point in the pandemic COVID is an annoyance I am trying to avoid because it'd be a pain in the neck to miss the work time and you never know what might happen, not because I'm seriously worried about my health, so I did not choose to go home in spite of that. And one thing I will admit: It was hard to wear a mask for almost five hours like that. It's a big ask of people, I know that. I'm fairly confident it had something to do with my not making it through shacharis. So there really is a tradeoff people have to weigh, and even though it's frustrating I get why a bunch of people balanced it differently than I did.
Anyway! I got my 4 AM giddy gut yom tov in the street! I got some satisfying time to study texts on my own, did some paired learning, and attended some fascinating and inspiring shiurim, the best of which was about the power of music in spirituality and connection to God. I got some homemade cheesecake from a friend! It was a good, meaningful time that helped me feel connected to God and my community, in spite of the pandemic, and the pandemic has certainly taught me to accept that as the best we're going to get right now.