(no subject)

Brand New Fanon in honor of Jewish Ted Mosby. I can't tell you how excited I was about the line in this week's episode that revealed he's half-Jewish.



1. It was his Christian mother who insisted that he be bar mitzvahed. His father didn't care, and he didn't really want to, but she promised him she'd throw a big party for his friends if he'd do it.

2. His Hebrew name is Tamar ben Avraham. He was humiliated when he learned that, like Evelyn, it's a girl's name. He's named for his Great-Aunt, who's the only reason he ever goes out to Queens.

3. In his History of Architecture course, he spends more time on Hadrian's Temple than he needs to, and that night he calls his father to complain about Cliff Lee for an hour.

4. If he met a girl who cared that his mother was Christian, he would undergo a Conservative or Orthodox conversion for her. After the first date, possibly.

5. Sometimes he's embarrassed that he lives in New York City and Stuart is his only Jewish friend. But he's been an outsider for so long he doesn't know where one finds Jewish friends.

6. His J-Date username is ProfessorTed341.

7. Once he woke up in the middle of the night, panicked at the thought that having Cliff as a stepfather meant he was now only one third Jewish.

8. He's the only one in the group who can drink slivovitz. They keep a bottle at MacLaren's just for him, for those odd Friday nights he wanders in with a desperate and perverse thirst for slivovitz. Robin tried to go shot for shot with him once when they were dating, but she quit after the second shot.

9. He coached Barney through a Tefillin Date, helping him cross Orthodox Jew off The List.

10. Sometimes he says the Shema right before going to sleep. Robin always wondered what he was whispering, but he never told her.